—Start lighting the candles again—
“How are you doing…?” a friend or associate may ask. “I’m doing fine…” you answered, with a smile. But you lied. You know it. And they might know it too, but they don’t care. And you might know that too. Why is that?
A couple met each other few years back. Now they say they’re tight---their relationship is so-and-so years old. But is that actual time? Or is that technological time? They say they love each other. But is that actual love? Or is that technological love? With increasing violence rampaging couples and families these days, the question is being raised. How could love turn so cold? How could you say love this morning, yet hate—to the point of threatening to kill—by dawn?
As humans, all of us need a companion. Through the walk of life, it is important for everyone to have someone they can share their happiness and sorrows with. Sooner or later a person starts feeling the void of a missing person in his/her life no matter how big his/her social circle is. This fact makes relationships meaningful. It is important that one realizes the purity and importance of it.
You would want to connect with that person on all sorts of levels whether it’s mentally, physically or spiritually. You want to know all about them – their good and bad side. For this reason, you need to spend time together, do things together and pay attention to each other. This would only be possible with a more interpersonal relationship where time spent actually has solid meaning to it.
This was achieved in old times. When communication was meeting each other, writing each other handwritten letter, going on trips together, having dinners and everything that had true solid meaning and value. This is why relationships in the old times seemed stronger and more valuable than compared to now.
Why is that? This is due to the world becoming more technological. With the introduction of social media sites and dating applications, it seems there is no true connection or bond with a person you think you like. Preference is given to spending a lot of time to get a perfect picture for posting or writing a long note on your loved one's birthday. Although there is no harm in these things, somehow these become too plastic in the long run.
According to a 2015 and 2016 online study—published by The International Journal of Pharmaceutical Investigation—over usage of mobile phones may cause tactile hallucinations, nomophobia, insecurity, insomnia and lower self-confidence. The study also report the increase of mobile phone dependence and internet addiction. In 2012, New Time Mobility Poll reported that 84% of people couldn’t go a single day without their mobile device.
Texting is the top means of communication. You cannot see the other persons' face when they say I love you or hear their voice changing when they say it. Due to this, many of us do not get the same rush in the long run when we receive that text. This is because everything now happens in an unnatural way.
We judge people by their profiles. Their statuses are what we use to determine how they think. All of this seems rather too important when it is not. Think about it, can a person be the same when writing something on a medium where hundreds of people will see it as they are in real life? These profiles do not depict an individual's raw personality but just a face they show to the world. No matter how much we say that this is what we are, it can never be true. To some levels it can be, but not on all levels.
We see that gestures have now turned into posting pictures, having a couple photos as a display picture or maybe tagging someone in a meaningful quote. All of this is good, it does make you feel special but it is not long term. Furthermore, some pictures are lies. They’re make-believe realities. Why? Because it’s easy to deceive through such mediums.
We can even look at the way people approach each other nowadays. Rather than asking a girl out for dinner or a coffee, the first thing a guy will do is ask for their phone number. It is the EASY way. We have this certain idea that maybe texting is something that would break the ice, but do we actually want that to be the foundation of something so complex and meaningful? Where you do not get to know the person on the level you should know them to actually connect at a deep level. Love is not merely with a person’s face or body; it is with the heart and soul.
Because of these reasons, people then meet each other on a trial basis. To see if they actually like someone by the end of it. If they don’t, the reason behind it is that they judged them wrongly. They were not who they thought they were. And how can one really judge someone through texts? One can’t. Because of this, we see relationships losing their true value. Trial basis should be getting to know the person first. People are complex, which means knowing them and understanding them requires real effort. Technology is not the devil, it actually has its perks too as you can stay in touch with your loved ones all the time but then again excess of everything is bad.
Even if two people are actually on a date together, they decided to spend some alone time and have fun. We notice that they are usually on their phones. They are taking pictures of their food or just checking their phones. That is how hooked we are to our phones. We know that this time is never going to come again but we still choose to prioritize a piece of machinery over giving the person we love our undivided attention. Does that seem romantic at all?
It is time that we realize that we are slowly losing the value of naturalness. The way relationships work nowadays is not natural. The way people spend time together is not natural. This is not how bonds are built and this is definitely not the foundation of having a future together and spending the rest of your lives together.
The main focus should be put on knowing the other person on a deeper level. Life is not as simple as it seems online. There are problems and hurdles. They can be financial, emotional or even health wise. The only way you can decipher these problems is if you truly know the other person. But nowadays no one wants to decipher problems. Because problems aren’t EASY. What happens when something that isn’t easy to deal with happens in a relationship? People snap.
Trust and loyalty are the most important things in a relationship. Understanding is a byproduct of these. If there is a lack of genuine connection, you will never be able to achieve that. Love and commitment are not that simple. It is not a thing that belongs to the virtual world; instead, it belongs to the real world, between two people with real emotions. We must put our phones aside every once in awhile, and give relationships the real value they have. We must connect, not only through technology but on a spiritual and mental level.
Start lighting the candles again. Who knows? It may solve more problems than we actually think.